Another In The Fire

This morning, one of our ministers spoke about one of my favorite stories – Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego. He even pronounced Abednego correctly (or at least what I would consider to be correctly), and that made my day. 😊 If you haven’t had a chance to read it (or watch the VeggieTales version 😊), I highly recommend you take a look at Daniel 3 in the Bible.

One of the main points that Kris made in his sermon was this: the furnace may be intended to destroy, but instead God uses it as a forge for our faith.

Our son, Jonathan, recently tried to create a forge in our backyard. He had an old fork that he really wanted to turn into a dagger. So he built a fire in our backyard firepit, feeding it with sticks and logs, and occasionally asking me to put some lighter fluid on it because it kept going out. Eventually, he got a pretty good fire going, but no matter what he tried, he could not get his fork to change much in shape. After a while, he gave up, realizing that our little backyard firepit wasn’t going to get hot enough to melt metal to the point where it could be reshaped.

And although it’s somewhat discouraging to realize this – often our faith will not grow until the fire gets overwhelmingly hot. When life is at its hardest is when we most realize our need for God and His power.

After church was over this morning, we talked about times when a furnace has become a forge for our faith. The boys were rather distracted and ready to move on with the day, as one headed to the bathroom, one was rolling around on the floor with the dog, and the other already had the remote in hand, ready to turn on a YouTube video. So our discussion didn’t get very far.

But Josh and I both shared about some pretty hard times in our lives. And the more I reflect, the more I can list time and time again when things felt really hopeless and scary – yet God showed up in a miraculous way. Sometimes He removed the obstacle or challenge right away. Sometimes He waited awhile, giving our faith a chance to grow. And sometimes, He simply stood in the fire with us, in the midst of the pain and the fear.

When I think of the season of depression I went through, the thing that most comes to mind is the God who was standing in the fire with me. At times I felt so hopeless and afraid and lost, but at those times He was so close. I had an intimacy with Him that I had never known before. He sustained me and filled me with strength that I never could have obtained without Him.

The fire of my depression became the forge for my faith. The months of anguish, heartache, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness were some of the hardest of my life. And yet without the intense fire of that season, my faith would not have grown to the point where I have this deeper intimacy with Him.

I pray the same for you. That whatever furnace you are in right now becomes a forge for your faith to grow stronger and to be shaped into something you never even knew it could become. May you know an intimacy and closeness with your Father that you’ve never experienced before as He stands in the fire with you.

Fittingly, our worship team closed the service with this song. It’s been an anthem for me as I reflect on the fires I’ve been through in my life. I hope it speaks to you too.

NOTE: This is NOT our worship team, it’s Hillsong United, which means the video is eight minutes long and they sing a whole lot of extra parts. But you get the general idea. 😊

I Will Sing To The Lord

How’s the apocalypse treating everyone else? So far, we’ve blown through almost all the cereal stocked in our basement and we’re out of milk; because despite the fact that I’ve provided three meals a day for my children, they still feel the need to eat bowls of cereal at random times throughout the day. The peanut butter stash is holding steady, but that’s mostly because I already make a batch of puppy chow almost every day. So, nothing new in that realm. 😊

However, beyond our basic needs, I’m struggling. I’m a very introverted person, so you’d think this idea of social isolation would be heaven for me, but I’m learning that it’s definitely NOT. Part of that is because I’m not being socially isolated by myself…I have four other people with me…and they’re all male. Which means they’re loud, they’re stinky, they’re competitive, and they mock me when I watch Frozen 2 (except Josh – he was nice and watched it with me). I’m also responsible for the education of three of these males, which does not come natural to me at all.

The real issue though, is that over the course of the past year, I’ve realized how very important my friends are to me and my mental health. In the past year I’ve embraced those friendships and have needed them on a daily basis. And now I face the prospect of several weeks of no in-person, face-to-face time with any of them. And that’s hard. I know there are many other options in our age of technology, and I’m thankful for those options and will use them. But losing out on the chance to connect with others physically on a day-to-day basis is hard – especially when we all need a hug from a friend now more than ever.

Last night as I was struggling through this, I read a scripture that has long held comfort for me. I thought I’d share it here, because I’m guessing I’m not the only one struggling in this time.

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
       How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
       and every day have sorrow in my heart?
       How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
       Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
       and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in Your unfailing love;
       my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
       for He has been good to me.”
                  -  Psalm 13

The first part of this psalm hits home so intensely. Life is so hard. Sometimes I have so many questions for God. The pain is so intense, and the questions are so big. I feel lost and hurt and broken. I feel as if the things that plague me will conquer me at any moment.

But the last two verses are what hold me steady. Despite all the pain and the hardship and the struggle, I choose to trust His unfailing love. He has proven Himself to me over and over again.

I have quite a few journals I have filled out over the years, but the one that I would rescue in a fire is a specific one with a leather green cover. I bought it a few years ago for one specific purpose – to remember the great things my God has done. Too quickly and easily I forget the things He has done for me. When the storms of life come, it’s as if I have amnesia and I can’t recall any of the miracles I have witnessed or the ways I’ve seen Him come through. So, when those good things do happen, I write them in this journal as a way to hold me steady and remember His faithfulness.

Therefore, last night when trouble hit and I struggled, I thought through the ways God has provided for me before – gifts given in the midst of financial hardships, barriers broken down in the souls of our children, prayers answered when we weren’t even aware they had been spoken, and friends needed at just the right moment in life. These stories remind me and reassure me that God is still present, here in the struggle. He’s right here with me. He’s provided before and He’ll provide again. He’s enough, and He loves me with an unfailing love.

So even though the road is rough right now, “…I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.”

P.S. I know I have many friends and family who read this and love me very much. I know your desire anytime you read about a struggle of mine is to help me. Please know that I appreciate that, but I really am not asking anyone to fix this situation or offer suggestions – I’m just sharing my feelings. As my husband has learned, often the best thing you can do is feel it, not fix it. 😊 So please stay home and join us in practicing social distancing so we can protect those who need our protection the most…and so we can all get back to normal life as soon as possible.